Give Me Bliss

Ignorance is bliss.

I totally understand this phrase because I am unfortunately the opposite of ignorant.

I’m not saying that I know everything; I am aware of the fact that I know very little in the grand scheme of worldly things, but I am keenly aware that my desire for constant learning and knowledge makes up my being, and thus, at times, I feel overly aware.

I don’t want to be, though. I want to float through my life and be ignorant.

Let’s examine that word a bit. It has such a negative connotation, doesn’t it? But think about when you watch the news and you start to become aware of all the crap that is going on in the world. Don’t you sort of wish you could be ignorant of all that? Go back to before you read that story and excuse yourself the overthinking and pain by stating that you don’t know anything about it anyway? Let someone else figure that situation out.

Like a kid. Kids are happy because they don’t know anything. Their days are comprised of learning how to spell or swing a bat or play make believe.

I think about where I’m at in my life and I’m either living in the past, or living in the future. The things that perplex me now, I want to go back and change so that I don’t know anything about them. I want to slap myself for my curiosity. Or, I think of myself in the future and convince myself it will be better if I can only get through the difficult-present.

I’ve been trying to be my future-self for ten years.

There’s something wrong with that. And the person that I want to be, she doesn’t exist. The way I feel now, the things I do, the habits I’ve made – they will be with me ten years from now. People don’t change, not dramatically at least. Not to the point where I’ll be blissfully ignorant of all that ails me at present.

This is a lot of rambling and mumbo jumbo. I’m doing exactly what I don’t want to do, overthinking my current life situations and falling into existential crisis. And being incredibly vague in the process :).

At what age do you finally accept yourself for who you are?

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